Saturday, June 5, 2010

That Age of Accountability

Later today, Caylee will be baptized. She's 8 and thus deemed "accountable" in the the eyes of the Lord. And I am sitting here at 2am wondering if she's really ready for the whole process of making real choices. Real choices means asking for forgiveness when she makes the wrong ones. Wrong choices means heartache or pain or [ew!] consequences, and it's been much easier on me to think of her as my baby girl and absolve her from all that reality. I guess, up until today, that it. Real choices also mean she'll learn from her choices and start to walk her own path. As a her mom, it pretty much scares the bejeebies out of me. While I was all gung-ho for Kenzie to grow up, I think I may want to keep my Caylee Bug little for a bit longer. Like this:

Caylee announced to us tonight that she had a "most awesome, wonderful day." To end on that note is quite a feat with Caylee since she goes up and down the scale throughout, and most times ends in a tired slumped state. For weeks she's been looking forward to lunch with sweet Natalie Roach in our ward. She and Caylee have a birthday just a day apart and when Caylee pointed that out to Natalie, Natalie offered a lunch date to celebrate the occasion. It. Made. Caylee's. Month. To even steep the deal, Natalie took Caylee out to get a bona fide pedicure. At lunch Natalie spoke of a kindred spirit with Caylee [and others] who are 2nd borns. It was like she just "got" Caylee and all her passion and sensitivity. I'm really grateful to her for taking the time to make Caylee feel loved and special. Natalie will have a special place in my little girl's heart forever. And boy oh boy are her toes darling.
Caylee has always been full of fire and spit. She's a lover and a fighter, a leader AND a follower. As a baby, Caylee was hard. [Honestly, her being a baby and Brevin being a baby are all kind of a blur and I don't remember it being THAT bad, but others (like Tyler) assure me she was a toughie.] Even now I have a hard time with her stubborn streak and the range of emotions. While I joke about her being bipolar, I am proud of the way she has learned to identify what the real issue is. She can tell us if her incoherent ranting and raving is because she's tired, or because she needs some attention, or because she's frustrated. Of all my kids, I'd say Caylee's emotions are right on her sleeve. Because of that, she's also my most generous of spirit. When Caylee greets you with happiness, it's genuine. When she loves, she gives it all to you. I'm blessed to see her in action with other people.

As I think about how quickly the time has passed since she was born, I really marvel at the way she has grown into a little lady. She loves all things girl, but doesn't fuss about it as much as her older sister. Before I know it she'll be going into Young Women, starting high school, dating and graduating. All Caylee has really ever wanted was to grow up to be a mom. I NEVER realized that could be an be-all-end-all ambition as a little girl, and I thank Tyler for instilling that honor in my girls. I push my girls to dream up a college degree they want and Tyler reminds them there'd be nothing to make him prouder than if one day (when they're in their 30s) they were good moms. Who knows where her life will take her, but I have NO DOUBT she'll keep us holding our breath and crossing our fingers as we follow her. And I am sure she'll be dancing a long the way, because as she told Natalie today at lunch, "I think Kenzie is a better singer, but I got the moves."

I just love this little girl. She gets the idea of family and solidarity and commitment to each other like none of my other kids. She'd just assume play with her cousins and siblings than any of her friends from church or school. I already appreciate Caylee's loyalty and passion. I think that will bring her so many blessings in her life.

So, yeah. In a few hours I'll be all a hoot and a fluff trying to make sure I've got the house all cleaned and everyone will enjoy the dinner after her baptism. We'll talk about what it means to be accountable and then she'll take her dad's hand and be taken into the waters of baptism. I feel a great happiness that she'd want to eximplify the Savior in this way and that she is ready to commit to being a member of our church. I feel the responsibility on my shoulders. It's time for me to be accountable too. I sure hope I've taught her enough so far.


chanel said...

this is beautiful. congratulations to you both on such a happy and big day. if it is any consolation, she looks too little to be baptized! I can't believe she is 8! You are such a great mom, your passion and love absolutely ooze from you. have a great day!

Mandi said...

What a beautiful and sweet girl. I hope her day was special and wonderful and she'll remember it forever.