Deadlines

Erin, Me, cousin Jer at the family cousins' Christmas party. Who doesn't stick pantyhose on their heads when given the chance?

Ok. I have exactly 12 minutes to type another blog before I told Tyler he had to put me in bed for my 10pm curfew. The night before school starts... blech. I don't have super high expectations for sleeping and, truthfully, I am hoping we get some freak snow storm that shuts everything down tomorrow. Wishes, wishes, wishes.

But, the reality is, tomorrow I will get up at 5am and stand in a stupor at my alarm clock and think, "This is really early. This sucks," before stumbling into the bathroom to start the routine. Somewhere along the way, I will stop hating the early morning and appreciate the silence. That usually happens right before I am stressed about getting everything done that I didNOT do over Christmas break. I will not be casting the disappointment stones at my students tomorrow... then they can't gripe that I didn't grade their essays, right? Right. We'll see how that goes.

A lot of people have asked how it's been going back to work and I think the question is really just a general survey question. I don't think they really want to know the gnitty gritty (or is it knitty???) details, but you know me and how I love details... I think going back to work has been the greatest mental paradox for me. I am REALLY grateful for my specific position and the timing of my job. I KNOW the Lord had a hand in blessing me with being close to my home, with me teaching a class I had taught before [which has really helped in the confidence arena after being home for 8 years], and with knowing that our family would be okay as we transitioned into a working mom sitch-iation. I love teaching. And I love English. I really enjoy the kids (some I love, and some are REALLY tough). Regardless of all my professional passion, though, my first priority is being a good mom and wife. BUT, let's face it. There's only so many hours in the day and since God sent me with only 2 hands, a lot of things fall through the cracks. THAT has been the hardest thing for me about going back to work. I don't like when I watch things fall into the abyss of "oops, totally spaced that" or "crap, that's not gonna get cleaned/done/finished." Trying to maintain 2 full time jobs is tough, yes, but more frustrating since I just get downright tired. I can't believe, the past couple months, how weary I have felt some nights. It's kinda amazing and REALLY makes me feel like a chump for complaining so many other times when I had it pretty good.

I am reminded daily how blessed I am and while me working hasn't made us any richer (somehow my income is pretty invisible...), I find I am appreciative of my time with Tyler and the kids WAY more than I used to be. And honestly, I needed that. I suppose I should be more demonstrative of that appreciation. . . but I still get stuck doing the laundry and toilets instead.

Ope, gotta run. Times up. Again, I'll be going private here as soon as I get the chance to type in your addresses. Thanks for emailing me, those of you who wanna read. I can't wait to tell you all those details of my life that I try to skip when we pass in the hallway and you are kind enough to inquire about my life. {{Smooches}}