Tuesday, May 26, 2009

How do you describe a really good cake?

I can't remember when it all started. Perhaps it was when I was 6 and learned the "oi" sound. Perhaps it was when I reached the pubescent age . . . and so did my friends and classmates and there were odiferous emissions from certain teenage body parts. Maybe it was when I had time to think about things that really bug me. I s'pose when doesn't really matter, but somewhere along the line I discovered I really hate the world "MOIST."

Ew. Just writing it makes me cringe. Really. I kinda vomit a little in my mouth any time I hear someone say it. And let me explain why.

Words have meaning. The word moist means: damp, humid, soggy, wet, clammy, tacky. Fine. There is a couple of situations were "moist" is appropriate and it doesn't really offend me. For example: the weather. Sometimes there is moisture in the air and it is fine to note so (like the time one of our friends said during the church opening prayer for my benefit, "We thank the for the moist . . . for the moisture." And yes, I shuddered when he said moist, but conceded that his use of moisture was appropriate considering the summer monsoons we had been having that year.) Another time when "moist" is fitting: when talking about dark, dank places . . . and that could mean bodily places OR creepy, icky basements. I mean, really, people. We all know crotches, armpits, and basement corners are "moist." Gross, right!? Nothing good comes with the word moist. Moist underwear = bad. Moist carpet = vomit. Moist shower = mold. Moist armpits = humidity. Moist air = rain (okay, I already said this one isn't as offensive, but still.) It's not a word we should say.

BUT WE DO!!! If we can all agree on the meaning of "moist," then why do people insist on calling food "moist"? There are plenty of words to describe a really delicious cake. There ya go, I just gave you a replacement word, "delicious." or "decadent." or "delightful." (It doesn't have to start with a "d" either.) If a cake is good, we all know it's good tasting AND the texture is great. We don't have to differentiate. When's the last time you had a cake that was good enough to make you comment, "This cake is SOO good; I think this cake is perfect; I am normally not a cake person, but I would eat this whole thing; BUT THE CAKE IS FALLING APART DRY." !!!!???? You don't say that EV-VER!! Let the "This cake is SOO good; I think this cake is perfect; I am normally not a cake person, but I could eat this whole thing" stand alone. Why must people then say, "AND THE CAKE IS SO MOIST!" ???????? That is like an oxymoron. A cake is not moist. Because a soggy, damp, tacky cake would be NASTY. As nasty as the word MOIST.

Anyway, this aversion to the "M" word is a common known issue with me. So much so that my friends Leslie and Melissa thought it would be worth their money to purchase this beauty from their local Walgreens:

And yes, Melissa tied a ribbon around it a la Relief Society. That's how you know you have good friends. They buy you stuff that they know will make you gag and then literally present it at family history club. I love 'em.

{And PLEASE do not let me go on about the disgusting nature of this dog treat. Puke Me People!} I know I'm not alone in this. I can't be. In fact, when pressed on this issue, I have never had someone tell me a way to use the word "moist" that explains something good . . . logically. Like I said, CAKE should NOT be described as MOIST because of what MOIST really means. (Anyone work for Duncan Hines . . . I think they have a moist brand of cake mixes.) Can anyone tell me of anything good that is moist? Anyone? Crickets? Thank you! Let's stop this nonsense. Nast. Nasty. {{Shiver}}

10 comments:

Annie O. said...

That is one of my top 5 most hated words. I tried to read your whole post but couldn't. People make fun of me all the time for that one. Glad to see I am not alone.

Dr. Stanley said...

You are not alone, you are now one of 3 people I know who hate that word. I have always been indifferent to the word myself, but after your well written rant, my opinion is changing. I used to think of delicious cakes as moist, after reading that all I can think of when I say moist is the pile of post-workout clothes I just left in the clothes basket. Thanks for ruining that word for me.

Lindsay said...

I've been at a party where we were eating cake and everyone was saying how delicious the cake was, but I thought it was way too dry. So when people eat the cakes that I make and say they are delicious AND moist, I know it's different and better than the other one. I can see how it sound a little disgusting to some people, but I only use the word to describe things in a good way. I say sweaty, or humid, or soggy, or wet to describe the gross things.

ElRae said...

You so crack me up!! 6 very well written paragraphs on the semantics of one word. Who says you are not every bit as well written as CJane! Love it, love you, have a great day!

Amy said...

Sorry Sarah, I still enjoy a moist cake--but if anyone comes up with a better word to describe that quality in a cake that means the same thing I'm willing to switch words--just for you :)
I'm racking my brain to remember who said that prayer!

Us said...

Funny, my whole family says the forbidden word to me ALL the time to get under my skin. I. HATE. THAT. WORD. ewww. Also on my list of dreaded words: smoothie and panties. Please don't try to use any/all of the 3 forbidden words in the same sentance, it never turns out nice. again, ewww.

annilee said...

I never knew so many people loathed that word! I have never really thought about it, but Thanks a lot! Now the word has a whole new meaning! I agree Moist should go for good!

Beth said...

As long as I've known about your aversion to the "M" word, this Cracked. Me. Up!!! But, cake can be good for lots of reasons, flavor, texture, and...dryness factor (or the lack thereof)...thereby necessitating the use of the "M" word. You can't say the cake is damp. That's just wrong. Sorry, honey. I do try to avoid it in your presence, though. Thanks for the great chuckle on the eve of a not great experience!

Stac said...

That was the moist humerous blog I've read in a while. :)

Jamie said...

Best blog post ever!

Signed,

A baker who wants to puke when she sees someone describe their cakes as moist.