I know, it's a shocker. I am actually blogging. But here's the rub; I will not be blogging about much of substance. Blech. I know. You might as well go check someone else's blog. There's plenty clever, witty, inspiring things out there on the internet and I LOVE them. However, I'm finding that it gives me a bit of a blogging complex if I don't have pictures or links or, heaven forbid, a super positive thing to say.
So, here's my deal. EVERY time I open my computer to "do" something I have all these choices I have to make. Email? Girls' camp program writing? Mackenzie's decade scrapbook? Blogging? Facebooking? Facebook album updating? Facebook discussion group threading? Picture organizing? Online ordering? AAAHHHHH! The pressure, I tell you. I have a lot to write about, just for record-keepings sake. I have super cute pictures I'd love to share. I also have a scrapbook project I need to finish before Mackenzie's 10th birthday (which would be WEDNESDAY!) and today, since it was mother's day and all, I busted out an old scrapbook project I was working on for Tyler's mom. I am on to myself, though, I know all my "projects" are ways of procrastinating. And what REALLY annoys me about myself is that I have all the normal stuff to do like laundry and dishes and cleaning and tending to the offspring and to do that leaves me with this impending doom-ish feeling of all the "projects" I have to get done. Yes, those projects that I have created for myself. It's weird and messed up, I realize that. Here's the real doosie, though. I cannot stay off facebook. PLEASE my people. I am about to ground myself for a week from facebook, but I know I will "sneak" a peak here and there. The brain-numbing act of reading status updates has me completely hooked. Oh, dear, and if there be a thread of funny comments or anything, I'm a gonner. SOOO, then I'm really behind. All of this entire previous paragraph has probably been a lot of "waaa waa waa waa waa waa." Sorry. Workin' it out. Aren't you sorry you didn't click on someone more clever already?
Not that I should sound like I am complaining, because, let's face it, my laptop is supposed to be fun, a luxery even, and compared to the other travesties going on in the world, I have it pretty cush. However, sitting in front of my laptop tonight, perusing all the super sweet facebook Mother's Day wishes and then reading the make-me-weep posts on others' blogs I realized two things: 1. Sometimes Mother's Day is crappy. I mean, it can start out great and it can be muddled through and faked through, but then, by the end of it, one can be in a pretty funked out place about the whole holiday and 2. I have completely whacked out expectations, which is a bad habit to have in the first place, but add some hormones into it all and VOILA I have a good dose of anxiety. And I'm blaming it all on my Laptop.