Monday, November 26, 2007

The blessings of Motherhood

I thought I'd go ahead and post this next post, but do not mean to offend anyone. I wrote it on the back of our MapQuest directions when we returned from a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday in Price, Utah with Tyler's cousin Abby and her family. Last night, after a long road trip home, we decided to go, as a family, to Bobby Wyson's Eagle Scout Court of Honor. I should have known better. I should have thought it through. Four kids, one hour more of sitting, a quiet situation. Not good. So, this is a glimpse of where I was at last night at 7pm-ish. And yes, today is a new day and I'm feeling better about life. PS. I'll post more about our weekend later when I can get the pics downloaded.

Sunday, November 25th, 2007
I'm sitting in the car with Brevin and Brock who are fa-reaking out bawling and crying since I had to take them to the car for misbehaving at Bobby Wyson's court of honor. OF COURSE, two minutes into the ceremony they call for the Eagles' Nest and Tyler gets to sit up front while I battle to keep kids quiet. And who's behind me? President Burr [Stake counselor over YW]. And to my side? President Davie [Stake President]. I'm sure my kids were a distraction and the priesthood leadership is probably trying to figure who else to call into my stake YW position since I OBVIOUSLY have my hands full. And another on the way? Who am I kidding? I am SO on overwhelm right now. I watch Mackenzie sit so quietly and respectfully, even though I'm sure she's totally bored too, and I wonder if the boys will EVER get to that point?

I hate having to listen to their wails to get out of the car when THE LAST thing I want to do is reward them by going in for dessert. The following-thru part is THE hardest of being a mom, especially when I want dessert. And I missed the slideshow. I love a good slideshow. I DO NOT want to be sitting out here either. Do they think I like this? I DO NOT like having to listen to the whining and crying and the lulls followed by getting all re-worked up outbursts again. OH, and the "You're a very mean mom" or the "Let me out of here Mom" and the "Daddyyyyyy . . . Dadddddaaaaa" pleas are SO lovely. HE'S IN THE EAGLE'S NEST! And I am trying to rationalize with a 2 and 4 year old, which is pretty close to pointless. Sit still? Be quiet? What does that mean? So I'm listening to the snotting and the kicking of the carseat, and I'm counting the minutes that have gone by [15 minutes so far] while warm, fuzzy sentiments, good desserts, and socialization goes on inside. And people question why I don't feel satisfied with motherhood? I WONDER WHY? And I'm a little freaked we're starting this all over again. I'm so disheartened to think these will be my battles for even longer than I originally planned. And I'm so bummed that we couldn't have all sat there, with Tyler in the Eagles' Nest, for the hour or so, and gone home happy. I'm gonna pull my hair out as Brock has started the high-pitched squealing [20 minutes now.]

If pulling my hair out doesn't work I could just get out and leave these two to scream it out. Do we really never follow-thru that sitting one event out could elicit this kind of response? Have I mentioned how happy motherhood makes me feel? Maybe I should read this at Brevin and Brock's Eagle Court of Honor so they will know that even at an early age I was dedicated to making them better people. That nights like tonight will be like all the merit badges I will push and the projects I will jam down their throughts all so they'll be stronger, better, more respectful young men. Isn't that the glory of a mother? To be yelled at and argued with and to be a person with whom the kids can ALWAYS be mad at? Oh, lovely. I just got a "You're breaking my heart" from Brevin. Nice. So nice.

Ope, I am seeing people leaving to their cars. The party must be over. Is that cake I see on their teeth? And here's my Scout in shining uniform [it's been 30 minutes]. . . Here's his three questions:
him: "Didn't go so well?" me: "Nope."
him: "How long have you been out here?" me: "30 minutes."
him: "They been crying like this the whole time?" me: "Yup. I'm ready to go when you are."
And off we go to more crying and moaning since the girls brought their mini cheesecakes to eat in the car. Nice. It was cheesecake. Oh well.

17 comments:

THE GARYSON FAMILY said...

Can I just say "Ditto!" I have wonderful moments like this all the time! BUT, feel guilty if I even try to complain...even just a little. Just know that you are not alone, and that hopefully, in the end, we can all say, "It was worth it!" Even if it seems impossible in this moment. Trust me, when I was pregnant with my 5th, I didn't even acknowledge the pregnancy until about a month before I had her. So, I think you are doing WAY better than me!! Hope the weeks and months get better!

THE GARYSON FAMILY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Fatman said...

Ok you know the first thing I am gonna say is I am not a parent so please do not take what I say too seriously. Ok so being that you are the at home mom wouldn't be safe to say that you know your kids the best out of anyone in the world. So why bring them why not keep them at home or get a babysitter until they are of age that they can sit there and behave like Mackenzie. Now again I do not fully understand so do not go postal on me!

The Fatman said...

Oh Wait or just get some of those shocking dog collars with remotes.

robin said...

one day you will be able to say "you better knock it off or you're losing your ds (gameboy) for a week" and they will stop. those things are the greatest inventions.

Stac said...

oh I am really sorry you had such a crappy night. I am impressed you took them after the long car ride home. Lets get together tonight and I will bring the mini cheesecake bites and you can eat all you want. love you.

chanel said...

yikes, sorry!
i think the best part though was your idea to read that at their court of honor- CLASSIC!!!!

Hang in there!!!

Erin said...

Oh, I'm gonna soooo remind you to read this very post at their court of honor. That would be classic. And just a tip: Benadryl works wonders. Dope 'em up first, and they will not only sit there like Kenzie, they might even slump over & fall asleep allowing to you to catch the court of honor AND dessert in peace.

chris jenkins said...

i've been there. and i have just let them cry it out. it does sucks for us but oh the small sacrifices we make for our kids. but when they are all gone and grown, we can look back and laugh right? and say it was all worth it.

sending a big cyberhug your way and as i have heard from one church authority or another, Heavenly Father doesn't give us more than we can handle - you will be a rockin mom of five!

take care and perhaps we will get the phone tag sitch figured out. i'll try calling you back tomorrow.

:)

Beth said...

I was 7 months pregnant before I finally got on board with having Michael! Seriously. And, look how that turned out:)I'm sorry it was the pits. Blessings come from rightous desires even if sometimes what we desire never comes to pass, whether it's dessert or well behaved kids. You are doing ok. I've been so grateful at times that I can just go to bed and start a new day in a few hours.

Jerolyn said...

What is it your dad says again about what kids are?

slave said...

I didn't notice a thing last night. I saw you were there. I saw you standing by the chairs. I do have leftovers and I don't eat them so if you want some come get them! I am down 50 pounds and don't want it back. I LOVE cheesecake. We have all felt that way. I have 9 kids remember. I really think you should read that at their court of honor. The video was awesome. You can come watch it anytime you want. My Sarah does a great job. She loves doing it. Thank you so much for your attempt. I appreciate it. Most of Joe's family didn't even make an attempt. Love ya.

candice said...

i know you remember that you're pregnant -- clearly, LOL -- but don't forget to remember that that taints EVERYthing. things that you deal with everyday suddenly seem so overwhelming and you can't handle it. it sort of reminded me of a 10-month period :) all i'm saying is, don't feel bad about how you feel. cause you really don't feel that way. it's just your belly talkin :)

Kourtney said...

It's never fun to take kids to an adult thing. Give 'em a couple of years and they'll be good to go! It is close to Christmas, you could've threatened Santa not coming!
Oh Jerolyn got me curious! What does your dad say about kids? I'm sure it's funny!

sarah said...

I just have to say thank you for attempting to come. It really meant a lot to our family to have so many people there. the dessert was good though. lol. If you really want to see the slide show i can have you over to watch it sometime! lol Maybe we should bring it to scrapfest! lol I guess I was too busy tell Trenton to sit down and be quiet to notice your boys. lol. boys are fun aren't they.

Troy and Nancee said...

Great...so much to look forward to. And I thought that right now was hard. However, when I get Erica to smile at me, it makes hours of crying worth it. I didn't understand that until I had my own kid.

BeGrateful said...

Reading through your article, I could only help but notice how it was all about your feelings and your wants. As a mother, you have to be selfless. The Lord has blessed you with the greatest gift on earth. If you felt like ripping your hair out, imagine how your children felt. I am sure they wanted to enjoy themselves and eat desert just as much (if not more) than you did. It seems that parents forget to realize that our children are tiny people with their own little souls who feel the same emotions we do. Yet, they yell and scream at them because they can't control their own emotions (and they are the adults). Your children will only be young once so let them play in the dirt and run around the house pretending to have super powers. Let them be kids and stop worrying about what everyone will think of you as parents. No matter how much you yell, spank, or put them in time out, they will never act how you want them to because they are not you. They are their own little people. All you can do as a parent is guide them the best way that you can - but don't get mad over the little things because then disciplining becomes pointless.