Disturbing foliage

Okay. I don't know if this is an appropriate post, so if you offend easily, scroll down and read something a little more wholesome and sweet. I am disturbed by our desert landscaping. Very disturbed, actually, and I know it's only my sick lil mind that would notice this kind of thing. However, I see it every day and I hate it all the more. Firstly, we have desert landscaping which is not my favorite, but it came with the house and we love the house. When we moved in there was an array of cacti in the front that we have speculated was lifted from some BLM illegally by the previous owner due to the maturity of the cacti. Now, I'm not a stickler for the law against taking protected plantlife from government land, but WHY would anyone choose these plant to put in their front yard??? I would like to say it's the safety of my children that I'm worried about, and yes, when Brock stuck his hand on the barrel cactus last week I was a little preturbed, but more than anything I am totally disturbed by the phallic nature of our cacti. Yes, I just said phallic. We have these cacti that each summer "bloom" by sprouting these ginormous stamen-looking rods from the center of the plant. Okay, bad enough, right, but then at the tip top of the rods all these white flowers sprout and bloom. It is pert-near pornographic plantlife, I swear! JUST SO YOU KNOW, we paid to have these babies removed when we redid our back yard a couple years ago. Apparantly they're so mature that the roots grew brand new cacti in their place that are bigger and stronger and still sporting the plant penis. So, basically every year these rods appear and I roll my eyes and try to be grateful for desert landscaping (which is useless because, let's face it, it's UGLY), but THIS year, our barrel cactus totally hit puberty and has all these buds that bloom with these white flowers (which are kinda pretty) at the very top, too. I guess we should feel lucky to have happy plants, but I feel a little guilty that I have a naughty enough mind to think "stupid penis cactus" when I drive up to my home (or is that "stupid peni cacti" since there are more than one of them?) Oh well. I have taken some pictures so you can witness the inappropriateness of our front yard but some of the blooming rods are masked by the normal non-sexual trees that grow behind them. See if you feel as violated as me.

The barrel cactus has closed it's blooms by the time I took these pictures at sunset; apparantly it's partial to morning blossoms.

And just so you know, sometimes these plants bloom with TWO rods that shoot straight up in the air with even more buds. Totally. In. Appropriate. Plants. YUCK!