A year has come and gone. . .

A BIG part of my 2011? Being part of miracles.

What is it about the new year that makes me wanna blog? As I have thought A LOT about 2012, I have come to MANY conclusions about 2011. One of them is that since I have a hard time remembering much of anything, it's a bummer I didn't blog more last year. My poor kids. 2011 will be the year we don't remember... and maybe that's good in some ways.







I have been seeing a lot of people giving the bird to 2011 (literally, have you seen the picture with the numbers, 2 - 0 - and two middle fingers making the 1 - and 1- ?) and yes, in some respects I can really understand why it's a year best moved past. 2011 has been hard for me (and I don't have anything to really complain about in comparison to some of my most nearest and dearest who have really been dealt a dose of trials), but despite the challenges, I have left 2011 feeling extremely grateful.







Now, on to 2012. If this really is the year the world comes to a screeching halt (thank you Mayan peeps), I have decided I will make the mental choice to make it a good one. And even if it comes and goes super fast (which I believe may be a little more believable than that stone Mayan calendar) I want 2012 to be a good year. So, of course, that means eliminating things that bummed me out, stressed me out, saddened me, or weighed heavily on me in 2011. At a lovely lunch a couple days ago, my insomniac friend, ElRae, was explaining her 4am musings about identifying her word for 2012. It got me thinking. I need a word. So, like every other big decision in my life, I went to facebook. I really liked my friend, Jen's, suggestion of "Manhandle" (old joke), cousin Jer's apropos "Honeybadger" suggestion, and my sister's wise idea of "Cray-cray." I thought last night I had decided on SIMPLIFY, which has A LOT of relevance in my life, but I think I have decided on CONSTRUCT.







I know, weird word, huh? CONSTRUCT. I wanna build myself this year. I wanna build a stronger family, testimony, career, future, and friendships. It's going to be big. Huge. And one of the things I decided I need to CONSTRUCT is the time for myself to be expressive and creative. Nine times out of ten, that doesn't work out for me. Either I make someone mad, or I mess something up, but I found that it feeds my soul. And my soul likes to be fat and chubby. Lately, I think it's been too skinny for my own good. We'll be crafting and writing that soul into a soft and squishy place again. Thus this blog post and maybe some others before 2012 ends. I am hoping with some STRUCTURE (part of my CONSTRUCT concept) I will carve some "me" time that will allow me to record the glorious moments in my life and those that are helping me CONSTRUCT a more refined existence, i.e. those challenges I face. [Really, most of the time I will be sharing nauseating experiences about my life and family, so I am thinking it's probably a good thing nobody is reading this blog anymore.]







And off we go. Tomorrow, the 3rd of January, starts the official back-to-reality grind which happens at the end of Winter Break. If I don't remember to write about my morning tomorrow, just know I will be thinking something like, "5am is in NO WAY constructive," but then I will get moving and be glad that I'm able to build something great this year. CHEERS Y'ALL~

Deadlines

Erin, Me, cousin Jer at the family cousins' Christmas party. Who doesn't stick pantyhose on their heads when given the chance?

Ok. I have exactly 12 minutes to type another blog before I told Tyler he had to put me in bed for my 10pm curfew. The night before school starts... blech. I don't have super high expectations for sleeping and, truthfully, I am hoping we get some freak snow storm that shuts everything down tomorrow. Wishes, wishes, wishes.

But, the reality is, tomorrow I will get up at 5am and stand in a stupor at my alarm clock and think, "This is really early. This sucks," before stumbling into the bathroom to start the routine. Somewhere along the way, I will stop hating the early morning and appreciate the silence. That usually happens right before I am stressed about getting everything done that I didNOT do over Christmas break. I will not be casting the disappointment stones at my students tomorrow... then they can't gripe that I didn't grade their essays, right? Right. We'll see how that goes.

A lot of people have asked how it's been going back to work and I think the question is really just a general survey question. I don't think they really want to know the gnitty gritty (or is it knitty???) details, but you know me and how I love details... I think going back to work has been the greatest mental paradox for me. I am REALLY grateful for my specific position and the timing of my job. I KNOW the Lord had a hand in blessing me with being close to my home, with me teaching a class I had taught before [which has really helped in the confidence arena after being home for 8 years], and with knowing that our family would be okay as we transitioned into a working mom sitch-iation. I love teaching. And I love English. I really enjoy the kids (some I love, and some are REALLY tough). Regardless of all my professional passion, though, my first priority is being a good mom and wife. BUT, let's face it. There's only so many hours in the day and since God sent me with only 2 hands, a lot of things fall through the cracks. THAT has been the hardest thing for me about going back to work. I don't like when I watch things fall into the abyss of "oops, totally spaced that" or "crap, that's not gonna get cleaned/done/finished." Trying to maintain 2 full time jobs is tough, yes, but more frustrating since I just get downright tired. I can't believe, the past couple months, how weary I have felt some nights. It's kinda amazing and REALLY makes me feel like a chump for complaining so many other times when I had it pretty good.

I am reminded daily how blessed I am and while me working hasn't made us any richer (somehow my income is pretty invisible...), I find I am appreciative of my time with Tyler and the kids WAY more than I used to be. And honestly, I needed that. I suppose I should be more demonstrative of that appreciation. . . but I still get stuck doing the laundry and toilets instead.

Ope, gotta run. Times up. Again, I'll be going private here as soon as I get the chance to type in your addresses. Thanks for emailing me, those of you who wanna read. I can't wait to tell you all those details of my life that I try to skip when we pass in the hallway and you are kind enough to inquire about my life. {{Smooches}}

Resurrection?

(hair courtesy of "Who-ville" day at the high school. I was one of 5 people to actually dress up. Yeah, no shame, my people!)

Holy moly! I haven't posted a blog since August. Fail. Actually, it'd be an epic fail (as the kids these days say.) It isn't that I haven't wanted to blog, I have. It's just that there's been too much to write about and not enough time to give it all justice. So, basically, you've missed a lot of garbage AND a lot of good since I didn't record it on the 'ol bloggity blog, but we'll pretend we're all on the same page and if I can remember the details later on I'll mention them... maybe.

I'm trying not to stress that my Christmas vacation is pert-near half over. Christmas Eve day tomorrow will mean I am scrambling to do all the things I have procrasti-santa'd all week. I did finally get the kids' present wrapped last night and hopefully tomorrow Christmas cards will hit the post office (only to sit there until after Christmas, right!?), but at least it'll be off my to-do list.

One of the things we had on our to-do list tonight was to clean our chapel with several other families from our ward. Now, y'all could call me a big fat liar if I told you I was super amped to go to the clean the church when I have baking to finish. Cuz, I really wasn't. I wasn't very positive and in this season of giving, I wasn't being very seasonal.

When we got to the church, we split the duties. As Tyler was taking out the trash to the outside recepticle that's enclosed in a brick fence and gate, he discovered there was a homeless man hiding out next to the trash can. Tyler was stunned a bit and the timid man kept the conversation short so Tyler'd leave. Now, if you've been in Vegas, you know we've had several days of non-stop rain and drizzle, so I'm sure this man was appreciating that the skies (at least at that point) were clear. Once Tyler got over his surprise, the man told Tyler that being in the enclosure meant he was doing better than being out in the open. I couldn't even imagine calling camping out next to a (STINKY/DIRTY!) trash can "better," but I guess perspective is important no matter what's going on in our lives, right?

Anyhow, Tyler came back to the church and nobody really knew what we should do, or how to handle the situation. Tyler went back out before we left to see if he needed anything to get through the night, to find out if he was hungry, and the man was very gentle and humble and assured Tyler he has food stamps so he wasn't hungry, and he would be okay through the night. He was wrapped in a thick comforter and Tyler surmised that he was trying to just go to sleep. Of course, by that point, I got pretty grateful that I had the opportunity to clean the church. I mean, there are places that don't have chapels to meet in each week. And I was feeling pretty spoiled with my unbaked goodies that were sitting in my house (yeah, the same goodies I was cursing since I really DO hate baking). Yeah, in my house that is warm and furnished with comfortable furniture and beds. And, of course, I was thinking about how sad and devestating homelessness is, but at Christmas? It's painful.

So, here was what was awkward about the whole thing: taking that moment to teach our kids. Because we don't know much about the random homeless man, Tyler told the kids to stay inside, which then piqued their interests. Tyler tried to explain there was homeless man out by the trash can and, I swear, you'd have thought they thought he was a zoo animal! I was a little mortified when we were leaving they wanted to go drive by to see him "living in the trash can." I mean, a live, real, human homeless man? They were all over it. To them, it's what stories are made of and they wanted to see him in the flesh . . . to do what? Stare at him? I kinda lost it on them to let them know he was just a normal man who was struggling. He didn't have a home or a bed or warm clothes to wear and that it was really, really, really sad. He was more than the "guy living in the trash can." I guess we need to teach our priviledged kids a little more perspective.

As we left the parking lot, we did what many other people who really had no clue how to make this tragic reality any better, we stopped at 7-11 and bought a hot dog and some hot chocolate to take back to him. When we returned, I asked Tyler to ask him his name. His name is Doug. I just kept thinking, this is a man with a name. I didn't want my kids calling him the "trash guy" or the "homeless man." He's someone's son/brother/maybe a father and for whatever reason, he's spending tonight sleeping in a comforter on the ground of trash enclosure. Maybe we should have done more... I dunno. Usually just dropping my change into the Salvation Army bucket suffices my "charity" to-do's for the holidays. I hope he knows we care. A hot dog and hot chocolate says that, right? I hope he knows we prayed for him by name tonight...

As we drove home, at Christmas, I thought about Michael McLean's song from "The Forgotten Carols."

Homeless, Homeless
Like the Christ child was
Homeless, Homeless
But there is hope because
He came down to earth to lead us
He vowed He'd never leave us
Homeless, Homeless
For in His love there is a home

Oh so Homeless, Homeless
Was His humble birth
He was Homeless, Homeless
And still He changed the earth
Nothing kept His heart from giving
Most of His life was living
Homeless, Homeless
He showed it's how we live,
Not where

When His homeless days on earth were done
(When His homeless days were done)
He went home to where we all came from

And He went to prepare
(He went to prepare)
A mansion for us there
(A mansion for us there)

He gave His whole life to lead us
And I know He'll never leave us
Homeless, Homeless
For in His love there is a home

(We are not Homeless, Homeless)
For in His love there is a home
(Like the Christ child was)
[repeat to end]

There is a home.

**********

On a different note.

Because I am teaching high school, and those hooligans can google like no other, I have decided it will be prudent for me to take my blog private. I don't want to presume you've been all devestated that I haven't blogged in 4 months, so if you wanna invite to my private blog party, leave a comment with your email. And then you'll have to log-on to see if I've written anything exciting... I know. Sorry for requiring effort to see my ramblings.

ScrapFest Registration up for Auction

Hey ladies (and gents, if the gents are feeling particularly crafty),
There's a new blog on the block that y'all should check out. It's an auction blog (there's different auctions for each week) that supports the wonderful Crampton family's fight against Kolby's cancer [insert "booooooo cancer" sound effect here]. You should really check it out each week and bid on some of the super cool items because you score some choice stuff WHILE helping out a wonderful family with their medical expenses.

I donated a registration to the 2011 ScrapFest on this week's auction, and it'd be cool if that money went to them and YOU know you'd already be in before anyone else can even register :) It's almost like a backstage pass. Almost. So, click RIGHT HERE to go to the auction..

AND if you want to read more about Kolby's kick-butt fight against cancer, click RIGHT HERE. Really, she's like a ninja. You should become her fan :)

V-I-O-L-A-T-E-D for 15 points

So, LAAAATE last night I was having trouble sleeping, so I busted out my itouch and downloaded "Words with Friends." Ya know, it's like Scrabble online. And at 1:30am after a rousing family game of Settlers of Catan and then my sister and I sit in the car working out all life's issues, that's what I do to put myself to sleep. Since I didn't know my mother-in-law's or brother-in-law's screen names (Oh! and since it was the middle of the night), I went ahead and clicked the button to create a new game with someone random.

I get all these tiles on my screen and the scrabble board when I realize I am not sure how to really play this game. I was swapping tiles and trying to figure out a word, but none of my tiles would drag onto the board when I see the little chat bubble in the top. "Oh, bonus," I think, "conversation with the stranger. I can ask him how to play." So, this was my next 3-ish minutes:

DylanThomas123456: "Hey"
me (Momma Barlow): "Hi. I'm still trying to figure this out, so be patient with me." LEAPT shows up on the board.
DylanThomas123456: "Where you from"
me: I post something. Can't remember what. "Las Vegas," I answered. "You?" I swapped tiles again because really? 2 Y's and 2 C's!?
DylanThomas123456: posts LOOSER
me: "So, if I swap tiles is that a turn?" "How do I get the tiles on the board"
Dylan Thomas123456: "Click and drag the tiles. Do you have MSN?"
me: Put some word down (can't remember now what it was), answer, "No."

OK

DylanThomas123456: "I want to see your vagina."

WHAT THE?????? ARE YOu KIDDING ME SICKO?
ugggghhhhh.
I felt SO disgusted and violated and I am sure I gasped out loud.

Quickly I went back to try and resign from the game, but I couldn't because it was the perv's turn to play. And the game continues, even if I logged off the stupid game. So, I wrote back, "Does that mean you can't make up a word?" and then added, "and no."

oh, and I was so grossed out. I mean WHO DOES THAT? Why? Oh, man. Maybe I am just too naive to think there's some decency in the world. And who's the nast who tries to pick up on people playing SCRABBLE?!!! LAME. Grody. {{shiver}}

So, since I wasn't playing his dirty game, DylanThomas123456 posts "POX"and I immediately resigned.

But here's what else bugs me, I get a notification that HE WON because I resigned the game. Dumb game will be deleted and I'll be writing a R-E-V-I-E-W.

Calling out

Just another quick post.

The other day I posted on facebook that Lori Day was in great need of prayers. And several people commented that they would pray for her. That was really wonderful.

And, I kid you not, Lori is making a miraculous recovery.

Despite having had a brain aneurysm burst at the end of one of her dance classes, she never lost consciousness, survived a harrowing surgery, and is literally marching and tap dancing down the hallways with the physical therapist. Lori has taught my daughters dance for the past 9 years(and upteen thousands of other girls for 31 years.) She is a wonderful example of strength and love and patience (have YOU ever tried to teach 20 3 year olds a dance routine?!). I have admired her for as long as I know her; Kenz inadvertantly calls her "Grandma" all the time; and I have no doubt that all the prayers uttered for her benefit last week have helped her make this miraculous recovery.

SO, since that worked out so well, I hope those of you that read this will keep sweet Kolby Crampton in your prayers. Her mom, Dana, has really taken to the blogosphere like a champ and is chronicling their story on their blog, http://www.keepingkolby.blogspot.com/ . Please go to their blog and read about their fight and send them some support by a comment. Even if you don't know them, I know they appreciate the motions of love. And pray for them. I cannot comprehend a fraction of what they're going through, but man, if my prayers are being heard, it's for more good days and less bad ones for all of them. Thanks y'all.

That Age of Accountability

Later today, Caylee will be baptized. She's 8 and thus deemed "accountable" in the the eyes of the Lord. And I am sitting here at 2am wondering if she's really ready for the whole process of making real choices. Real choices means asking for forgiveness when she makes the wrong ones. Wrong choices means heartache or pain or [ew!] consequences, and it's been much easier on me to think of her as my baby girl and absolve her from all that reality. I guess, up until today, that it. Real choices also mean she'll learn from her choices and start to walk her own path. As a her mom, it pretty much scares the bejeebies out of me. While I was all gung-ho for Kenzie to grow up, I think I may want to keep my Caylee Bug little for a bit longer. Like this:

Caylee announced to us tonight that she had a "most awesome, wonderful day." To end on that note is quite a feat with Caylee since she goes up and down the scale throughout, and most times ends in a tired slumped state. For weeks she's been looking forward to lunch with sweet Natalie Roach in our ward. She and Caylee have a birthday just a day apart and when Caylee pointed that out to Natalie, Natalie offered a lunch date to celebrate the occasion. It. Made. Caylee's. Month. To even steep the deal, Natalie took Caylee out to get a bona fide pedicure. At lunch Natalie spoke of a kindred spirit with Caylee [and others] who are 2nd borns. It was like she just "got" Caylee and all her passion and sensitivity. I'm really grateful to her for taking the time to make Caylee feel loved and special. Natalie will have a special place in my little girl's heart forever. And boy oh boy are her toes darling.

Caylee has always been full of fire and spit. She's a lover and a fighter, a leader AND a follower. As a baby, Caylee was hard. [Honestly, her being a baby and Brevin being a baby are all kind of a blur and I don't remember it being THAT bad, but others (like Tyler) assure me she was a toughie.] Even now I have a hard time with her stubborn streak and the range of emotions. While I joke about her being bipolar, I am proud of the way she has learned to identify what the real issue is. She can tell us if her incoherent ranting and raving is because she's tired, or because she needs some attention, or because she's frustrated. Of all my kids, I'd say Caylee's emotions are right on her sleeve. Because of that, she's also my most generous of spirit. When Caylee greets you with happiness, it's genuine. When she loves, she gives it all to you. I'm blessed to see her in action with other people.

As I think about how quickly the time has passed since she was born, I really marvel at the way she has grown into a little lady. She loves all things girl, but doesn't fuss about it as much as her older sister. Before I know it she'll be going into Young Women, starting high school, dating and graduating. All Caylee has really ever wanted was to grow up to be a mom. I NEVER realized that could be an be-all-end-all ambition as a little girl, and I thank Tyler for instilling that honor in my girls. I push my girls to dream up a college degree they want and Tyler reminds them there'd be nothing to make him prouder than if one day (when they're in their 30s) they were good moms. Who knows where her life will take her, but I have NO DOUBT she'll keep us holding our breath and crossing our fingers as we follow her. And I am sure she'll be dancing a long the way, because as she told Natalie today at lunch, "I think Kenzie is a better singer, but I got the moves."

I just love this little girl. She gets the idea of family and solidarity and commitment to each other like none of my other kids. She'd just assume play with her cousins and siblings than any of her friends from church or school. I already appreciate Caylee's loyalty and passion. I think that will bring her so many blessings in her life.

So, yeah. In a few hours I'll be all a hoot and a fluff trying to make sure I've got the house all cleaned and everyone will enjoy the dinner after her baptism. We'll talk about what it means to be accountable and then she'll take her dad's hand and be taken into the waters of baptism. I feel a great happiness that she'd want to eximplify the Savior in this way and that she is ready to commit to being a member of our church. I feel the responsibility on my shoulders. It's time for me to be accountable too. I sure hope I've taught her enough so far.