The Boob Post

There's been lots going on this past weekend, but it's getting late and I haven't downloaded any of my pictures, so I thought I'd share one little tidbit of my weekend for your morning reading pleasure. PLUS, Tyler is watching that new show on A&E called "Paranormal" and I have NO interest in watching a scary TV show before bed. It's all about people and ghosts (most, apparantly, who aren't happy about this research group investigating-I mean the ghosts aren't happy.) Ew.

SO, here's my boob post. If it's uncomfortable for you to read about my boobs, you may want to click on a different link. (Like YOU, Elder Garrard) And just because I don't want you to feel awkward, here's a couple blogs to browse (and where you can get a good update on the cousin's party last Friday night since I was lame and didn't take hardly ANY pics, but these good relatives-o-mine have covered it extensively): Erin, Jerolyn, Kourtney, Rick, and Tyler (Tyler's got video, but it also has to do with boobs, but they're Stacy's boobs, so if that's more comfortable make sure and watch his last video clip from his phone.) Anyway, enough with the disclaimer, on with the boob post.

I think I first realized I was "well-endowed" when a friend of mine told me (once we were in high school) that the only reason this older guy was nice to me (when we were in junior high) was because I was one of the only girl to develop an over-abundance of boobage before high school. Ever since then it has been a fact of life, a natural state of being, a package deal, that I have big boobs. It hasn't affected me too negatively; I don't feel like I flaunt my assets unnecessarily; nor do I feel like that's all I have going in my favor. If anything, I guess, it has made me feel more womanly, proportioned (let's face it, at 5'10 with hefty hips and long ski feet, I need SOMETHING to balance me out), and the entire ensemble caught Tyler's attention - so THAT was a bonus for which I could give credit to me ta-tas.

When I was young (that was a decade + ago) I never thought about breast augmentation or anything like that UNTIL I started having kids. I noticed right away with my pregnancy with Mackenzie that my belly wasn't the only thing that grew. The boob-age grew, too, and I gave a lot of the "you don't even look that pregnant" comments credit to my big chest because everything beneath the giant boulders looked small in comparison (including my swollen stomach, butt, and thighs.) Prenancy, though, had nothing on breastfeeding and when my milk came in, all I can say is . . . well, Tyler said it best . . . "Those are beyond attractive." Again, nothing really to complain about in this department, I should (as some of my girlfriends remind me) feel blessed to be an engorged cow with over-flowing utters on demand with each of my kids. And I do. Let's hear it for La Leche Barlow and her abundance, right? WRONG, because the aftermath of nursing has been a little devestating to the big boobs. I think I shared before how Brevin asked me why my boobs went down when I took off my bra?! Yeah, that's pretty much putting it mildly. I am not kidding, people, when I say I should be on a National Geographic cover as the white tribeswoman who's breasts dangle below her belly button. Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but if I had to do the pencil test (a supposed test as to whether you need a breast lift determined on whether or not you can hold a pencil in place with your boob) I would be holding an 8 pack of yellow no. 2's. It's not a lovely picture, and all I can say is let's hear it for the invention of the bra, yes, the Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder has come in handy ever since I stopped taking it off and hiding it in my Teddy Ruxpin lunchbox in 5th grade. I don't leave home without it. I will hardly ever answer the door without one on. I won't let Tyler take my picture if I've taken off my brasierre. In fact, in high school, when on our choir's trip to Hawaii and the fire alarm went off late at night, what am I doing as I run down the stairwell? Putting on my bra. I'm a fan, it does it's job. And ladies, yes! A good bra fitting and worthy bra is worth it's weight in, well, pretty much breast tissue, but we'll say gold and you get the picture.

So why all the boob talk? I guess after Saturday afternoon's events I pondered my current breast-icular circumstance and it left me reflective. Here's why. Saturday was a busy day. We woke up and took the kids to our ward's breakfast with Santa and then rushed off to Brevin's last soccer game (insert singing angels here since it's getting way too cold for soccer games.) After the game Tyler took the kids home and I went to ElRae's for our last calendar scrapbooking class of the year (again, insert angels). Right after that I picked up my cousin Kaitlyn and she babysat while Tyler and I had a date afternoon. The temple was closing for the Christmas holiday and since Tyler and I haven't done a session lately we decided we needed to make a trip up to Sunrise Mountain and experience all the glorious calming effects of being in a House of the Lord. Once at the temple, I'm supposed to change out of my street clothes into white clothing (nylons, slip, dress, etc.) right? No prob. I have a few minutes until the session starts . . . [if you have more questions about the LDS temple and sessions, etc. you should check out this site!] . . . and I have the changing thing down pat UNTIL I pull of my black T-shirt and realize/remember that I was wearing a bright turquoise blue bra.

NOW, you may have a couple questions going through your head at this point? #1) Why were you, Sarah, wearing a bright turquoise blue bra? A) BECAUSE my boobs have gotten so big that it's about the only one that I don't spill out of, pucker out of, or sag in. [Yes, Chris, this is the bra that you couldn't believe would fit on my chest cuz you said the cups were the sizes of a hat at the VS in CA, but they fit my girls just right!] #2) Why would you have a bright turquoise bra anyway? A) BECAUSE when I was on a girls' trip and spent a lot of money, I thought it would be good retribution to Tyler (and his bank account) if I brought him home something that added it my lingerie stash #3) Why is it such a big deal to where a bright turquoise blue bra to the temple? A) Because the temple exemplifies everything that is unflashy and a colored bra showing through both a slip AND dress would be like wearing a neon sign across my chest. Not very reverent, I suppose. I was totally sweating it in the dressing room contemplating my options. And that took a while. And I knew Tyler had already changed and was waiting for me, but I couldn't figure how to not walk out to get his opinion about the situation without bringing attention to my bra. SO, in all humility I took off the bright turquoise blue bra, tried to lift the suckers where they belonged, crossed my arms tightly so I looked really uber-reverent and headed out to find Tyler. This is what he says when he sees me, "GEEZ, did ja get lost or somethin'?" There was this older lady standing right there and we WERE in the temple, so I smiled nicely and said, "No, let's just go sit down and wait for the next session." Once we were in the pew, I confessed my predicament, he totally thought it was funny, and I was continued sweatin' it the whole time we did the session. Tyler was making comments like, "Honey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, don't worry about it." To which I answered, "NO! Beauty is the level of your boulders!" Or he'd say, "It's kinda hot that you have one less layer on." And I'd roll my eyes and remind him WE WERE IN THE TEMPLE! I just KNEW I was gonna see someone I was going to know and they would automatically have noticed my low-slung chest. IT WAS SO STRESSFUL! And, of course, when you're self-conscious of something you totally think everyone is staring at it. AGHH!! It was SO embarrassing. I couldn't have gotten out of there more quickly and back in to my bright turquoise blue bra.

SO, that's my boob post. The moral of the story is somewhere out there, but I think I will just try to think out my bra selection for an entire day's activities a little better in the days to come. I know it will get worse before it gets better (hello, engorgement #5 coming this spring) and I will be mail-ordering the special sizes that stores don't even carry because it's ma girls are so freakishly big, but such is my life, and my boobs, and since I'm kind of attached to 'em, I'll make the most of it. Even if it means bright turquoise blue bras!