Sunday, April 22, 2007

I've got bigger issues than not being in G.A.T.E.!

So, I have been thinking A LOT lately about a lot of different things, but since I have not a lot of time to expand on many of them in the blog-world, I have been keeping them to myself while continuing to think about them. So, tonight, I am ready to dump them, clear my mind, if you will, about a few of the little things that muddle my mind.

Before I go into that, I had a real nice visit at my mom and dad’s tonight. My sister and brothers and a smattering of our kids were there, Tyler came a little later, and my mom made scones. MMMmmm. Seriously, my mom can rock a scone. There were enough of us there, though, that we only averaged about 1.5 scone per person which was a bummer because I could have downed at least 2.5. BUT, like Mom said, if she would have made double we would have scones out of the wazoo, and nobody wants a scone out of a wazoo. It’s one of my most favorite things, to hang out with my family. Mom referenced my most previous Thank You, Thank You Very Much blog and was STILL trying to defend herself as not coming across so . . . I don't even know what she was trying to defend, probably that she doesn't want the readers to think she was a raving lunetic. Maybe I should clarify; we weren’t all down the street or anything, so she didn’t have to yell at us, but she did use plenty of emphasis and turned on her heel with gusto. Anyway. Oh, and my dad wants me to add the part about how my youngest brother Michael had biffed it leaving the Brigham Young home (which interestingly enough, Michael biffed it pretty good on our last family trip to temple square as he "took a note" [another good story from Garrard family lore for another post] while we were perusing the nativity scenes before Nate left on his mission), so Dad was just doing his part as a nurturing parent to volunteer to go back to the hotel and nap. Either way, it's part of the family experience that has made us who we are, and is subject to many points of view, etc. Of course, any reminiscing brings up other stories and on and on it went. I probably came out of the evening seeming a little bitter since I referenced Erin’s silky nightgown (the one she got after she drowned at swim lessons) several times throughout the night. [I know, I know, the girl deserved it when she CAME BACK TO LIFE.] THEN, Mom told us we all had a bunch of folders with old school stuff and pictures that we could take home, so we busted all that out and went through all that. There were report cards, school pictures, certificates, and G.A.T.E. reviews. Oh, wait. I didn’t have any G.A.T.E. (in the old days it was called “A.T.”, which is the gifted and talented program they have at the elementary level) reviews in MY folder. Yeah, I didn’t pass the test. ALLLL my brothers and sister were in the class, but I couldn’t make the grade. Whatever. I thought I had made peace with it, but my failure keeps rearing its ugly head as, tonight, we had to relive the trauma of Erin’s acceptance at the same time as my denial, AND this week Mackenzie got the invite to be tested. As I explained to Tyler that I was rejected when I was younger he asked, “Bitter much?” I didn’t think I was, but apparently I need to add it to my long list of issues. Here's a loose recap of the conversation tonight,
Dave: "Ah, here's my G.A.T.E. progress report thing. I didn't really like that class."
Erin: "You didn't, ah, I really like mine. One time, Ms. Sandoval . . . [story about this super fun thing they got to do in A.T. while I was sitting in 5th grade class NOT doing the super fun thing they were doing in A.T.] And I really liked it because we got to go to Catalina Island."
Stacy: "You did. Man, that's cool. What is G.A.T.E.?
Nate: "This class where you got to get out of your regular boring class and do cool puzzles and projects and stuff."
Stacy: "So, were you all in G.A.T.E.?"
Dave: "I was."
Erin: "I was."
Nate: "I was."
Me: "Was Michael too?"
Mom and Dad: "Yeah" (Said, almost apologetically as we have been down this, Sarah didn't make the grade path before)
Dave: "Wait, Sarah, you weren't in G.A.T.E.? The only one of us?"
Me: "No, I didn't pass the test. Whatever!"
Dave: "Ba-haaaaaaaa! [wicked laugh]"
Me: "Shut up. WHATEVER!"
Mom and Dad: "But who has the college degree?" {*Thanks, Mom and Dad, didn't think of that comeback!*}
Anyway, I am over it. Seriously. It's not really an issue, so much, anyway.


And, so, speaking of issues, let me vent about my body image. Like most people (well, women, I think) I spend a lot of time thinking about how I look, how I want to look, my pros, my cons, my rate of saggage, etc. I tend to think about it more than I tend to commit to change what I don’t like OR accept what I do like. It’s a blessing to be tall, for a lot of reasons, but mostly there’s a lot of places one can hide twenty or thirty extra pounds. As this is the year of the thirty for me, I have been a little more honest in my inventory. With all this thinking/inventory-ing, I have analyzed what my greatest challenges to my idea of success are and have come to this mighty conclusion . . . I am pretty lazy AND I don’t sacrifice very well. For example, when there is a lovely brownie sitting on an open plate within my, oh say, five mile radius, I will not sacrifice my enjoyment of that brownie for the sake of a flatter tush. OR, when I am feeling particularly stressed I do think in my mind, “The healthy thing to do at this moment would be work out my aggression at the gym or to a work-out video.” However, the reality of my coping skills include picking up a Large Coke at Sonic to nurse throughout the afternoon’s Oprah or whatever else I have DVR’d. AND THEN, I spend so much time thinking about what a slacker I am that I am somehow LESS motivated to change anything. Does this reek of therapy need? So, a while back, my friend, AMY told us how she started running with her daughter and she didn’t really make a big deal of it or anything. Amy has always looked amazing (like, shut-up-you-hardly-look-like-you-had-a-baby amazing [even two days after delivering any of her 4 kids], OR, always-petite-everything-looks-good-and-cute-on her amazing), even though she never gave herself the credit she deserved. Since Amy and I don’t cross paths as much as we used to, I have noticed this wonderful, healthy, glowing (really make-up-commercail-glowing, not shine-a-spotlight-in-your-backyard-kind-of-glow) transformation about her. Anyway, I am sure I can’t explain in the detail I need, how impressed I am with Amy on ALL sorts of levels, but especially with her commitment and sacrifice. After talking with her a few times (she is UBER supportive) and actually driving by her on occasion as she was running about the area, I have decided I am going to become a runner. My gym membership has expired, I got a little iPod for Christmas, my inventory report is not as promising as I’d like, and I just figure that’s like the stars aligning. ANYWAY, you know me, now that means I need to organize something to REALLY make it worthwhile, so I have decided I want to get a group of friends together who will commit to run a 10K race (6.1 miles) in the near future. Amy sent this amazing link (among others) with a really do-able training program. Of course, I have had it for a week now and have managed to get some good running shoes and that is it, but tomorrow starts the real deal. I am willing to sacrifice my sleep and get up early while Tyler preps for work and then try to follow through with everything the training program offers. I think it would be great to see how many of my friends who are feeling the same way about their inventory would be willing to give it a go and it would help motivate me to have their support and encouragement. Really, I want to be healthy. I want to FEEL good. I want to make this a habit I wish I had developed years ago. I want to be a good example to my kids. Amy says the best part is how you feel about yourself, and I am pretty ready to start thinking good things about that area of my life instead of the shortcomings. I’m sure I’ll be posting more soon, but check out the link and let me know if you want to be in the 10K with me. PS. Does anybody see the organization thing is an aid to my procrastination issues?

Finally, for this never-ending blog, I have a speaking assignment next Sunday to the youth of our ward (boys and girls). I have been thinking a lot about how and what to discuss as I was asked to keep it frank and honest. Any suggestions? It seems like there is any number of things to talk about, but I am trying to identify which loopholes seem most frequently used when justifying and rationalization takes over their common sense and upbringing. So what are our pet peeves with the 12-18 year olds you know? What kinds of stuff makes you think things like, "Boy, someone needs to tell them it's not attractive to have most of their bodies spilling out of a shirt that is OBVIOUSLY not thier size" or "Sexy is not really something a 12 year old needs to practice at church; someone should tell her that"?

So, thanks, I totally just dumped. Like I told my friend, Jana, it's a good think to dump it all out every now and then.

OH, and Chris, what makes up my blog? It's all very self indulgent!
1. Stories about my life
2. Ranting and raving about things that bug me
3. Pictures of my life
4. TV show explanations
5. More boring stories about my life.

ENJOY!

4 comments:

chris jenkins said...

i was one of those A.T. sorts of people - you didn't miss much really

first of all - i think you look great!

i know how it feels to take that self-inventory - i do it everyday - i admire amy - i envy her - i know we shouldn't envy people but i do

i think we all want to feel good about our own physical self-image - i think, at least for me, a significant portion of our confidence is linked to this self-image. this is a significantly huge issue i want to blog about - i told you i keep running into this topic

and where is the link? if you could e-mail it to me, i would be grateful. maybe if i had a decent goal like training for a 10k, i would be as fat as i am - lol.

anyway - vent away - i do.

i apologize for the extensive lengthy commentary - your other readers probably think i am nuts!

ttyl.

Daniel said...

First off Chris is clearly nutz!! Just kidding But hey all I can say is I was not in AT either and I am pretty sure I did not even test for it. But Jaime was and I hated when he went so I got your back 100% infact now that I am hating all peeps in AT lets have a party for those of us that did not attend and that way all those AT nerds will be Jealous of our skills. OK for two seconds I will be serious I use to Envy Jaime when I was in school but now that adult real life has stared me in the face a few times really AT and GATE Seem like not such a huge stepping stone in what life is all about. But I do think it is a riot that you were the only one not to get in LOL!!

SHLONG said...

hahahahahaha

slave said...

Told you how good it feels and you wonder if you should do the post or not thing. haha We need release now and then. We need to know others feel as we do. You go girl!